2004-05-20 - 2:38 p.m.

We have much going on these days as it relates to preparing for the wedding, which is 65 days away. My bridal shower was on Saturday and was quite lovely. My mother did it all, with the help of my cousin, because I do not have a bridal party. It was mostly a surprise, meaning I figured it out, but went along with it. C and I got lots and lots of wonderful presents which are just piled up in the living room. I'll get to them eventually, and feel the need to write thank you notes before using anything. I'm crazy, I know. I have my first dress fitting tonight and got my shoes and bra to go with just in the knick of time. The invitations have been printed and the envelopes are currently with the calligrapher being addressed. It's mostly coming together, but there's still lots more to do.

That's not why I'm here today, though. Today, I'd like to write about C's daughter A. She's fourteen and I think we all know how that is - it's a confusing time in a girl's life, there are hormones and boys and emotions and crushes and friends to fight with and all that stuff. A has been with C her whole life, sometimes her mother was there, sometimes not. They have a different relationship than any father-daughter relationship I've seen, but it works for them. Sometimes, to me, they seem more like brother and sister. He's only 18 years older than her so they both grew up together in many ways. They share similar tastes in music and similar attitudes about many aspects of life. So, when I came into C's life, I'm sure it was had for her to share him with me. But, she never gave me the indication that it was a problem...until Saturday. She cried uncontrollably through my shower, refusing to talk to me or explain what was wrong. My immediate reaction was that she is devastated that her father is marrying me, and that it wasn't a reality for her, despite the fact that we've all lived together for almost 4 months now, until the shower. I saw her leave the restaurant twice within minutes of my arrival, once with C's sister and once with C. The really selfish part of me was pissed. How dare she ruin my day, my one and only chance at a bridal shower? How dare she take my fiancé away from his duties of coming around with me to greet all the guests there specifically for us? In reality, I was mortified - mortified that she doesn't like me or want her father to marry me, mortified that all these people were witnessing firsthand how I was ruining this poor child's life, seeing how miserable I obviously make her. C has told me over and over again that she was just simply overwhelmed by her emotions, that she is really happy for us and that's what the crying was all about. He said it was probably just her hormones and that she's really embarrassed and doesn't want me to think that she hates me or is unhappy about the upcoming wedding. Sorry, it's impossible for me to believe that, especially since she hasn't told me that herself and because she wouldn't so much as look in my direction on Saturday. I know that I am the adult here, I really do, but when my feelings are as hurt as they are over this, I can't help but put up a wall and shut people out.

The other night, she wanted to take a shower (she has her own full bath) but had seen a spider in the bathroom earlier in the day and was too freaked out to shower in there because she didn't know where the spider went. She asked C to please let her shower in our bathroom. He continued to refuse and it escalated with her begging and pleading and him telling her to act her age, that the spider was gone and wouldn't harm her. She ended up hysterically crying so he finally gave in (and apparently it was somehow my fault for not intervening and telling her that she could of course use our shower, but I'll just leave that as it is). At the time, I was simply thinking that she was crying to get her own way. I mean, it just honestly doesn't seem to me to be something to get so upset over. This comes from an ultra-sensitive person who tends to well up at the most inopportune times but I just didn't see that it was necessary to get so hysterical - I've really seen nothing like it. It was quite the scene at our house.

Yesterday afternoon, C called me at work and told me that A almost passed out in school and called her mother to come get her and take her back to her house. Apparently, her mother was going to get out of work early last night drive her back home (I think she usually gets out at like 8:30 or something). When it got to be after 9:00 and A still wasn't home, C called her mother to see what was going on. She called back at about 9:45 and told him that A was sleeping on the floor and that she was staying there and that she would drive her to school this morning. She told C that A was just really emotional and that she would explain it all later. She was supposed to call back last night, "in twenty minutes" but never did. He called her today, left a message, and has still not heard back from her. He told me last night that he's convinced that A wants to go live with mother now because it's more fun there. I read between the lines and truly think that if A wants to live with her mother, that it's because of me - that she doesn't like me and that she's not comfortable living in the same house as me, and that she doesn't like living with the rules we've imposed. I know this is not about me, in the sense that I should be feeling really sad for C, that his daughter, whom he loves dearly, might possibly not want to be with him. But, all of this, I am sure, is because of me. If I never came along and ruined the good thing that the two of them had, none of this would be happening. I guess I'm just feeling guilty.

Then my mind wanders and I wonder aloud why we bought this three-bedroom house if it really will be just the two of us. We could have easily saved a lot of money and time and stayed in the condo. We, in fact, looked for a nice house for C's children, not because we wanted a large house and yard to maintain. Obviously, I am getting way ahead of myself here. We don't even know what exactly the story is. I'm getting pretty pissed, actually, that C's ex-wife doesn't have the common courtesy to call him and fill him in. He is the girl's custodial parent. This whole situation really blows my mind, but I am trying to refrain from judgmental comments, as hard as it is.

I'm concerned for A and I'm really sad for C. I'm also just really curious. Is it something really huge that she's dealing with that C and I are completely oblivious to? Are we horrible, selfish people who can't see the signs of a terrible problem or is A simply suffering from teen angst? I wish I knew. I guess we'll have to wait until the ex-wife decides to call back. What a frustrating situation.

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