2003-07-31 - 10:19 a.m.

I'm back from vacation, which was great, and settling back into my routine and stuff. It's weird, but I hate that discombobulated post-vacation feeling (like all that laundry, the mountains of mail, and especially catching up at work) so much that I sometimes prefer to just stay home. I'm crazy, I know.

Our weather was not as good this time as it was the last time around (a few weeks ago) but that was okay. The family was in a house so there was more floating around, doing your own thing, without feeling like you were missing something. It was nice to lie out on the deck and read while someone else might be inside watching TV or out at the store. C came down Thursday after my father, brothers and I got back from deep sea fishing. Of course, we had booked the one morning that it actually rained and it kind of sucked being out on the choppy water, reeling in fish that needed to be thrown back because they were about 1/2" too small with the rain hammering at your face and body. Still, it was fun and I was psyched we'd booked a half- rather than full-day like we did last year. Anyway, I was so psyched to have C with me and we managed to balance some alone time with family time. I think he became more comfortable with some of the other members of my family, like my father, than he'd been before and they got to know him, too.

My niece, who is about 11 months old, was so much more fun than I thought she'd be. I'm just not used to being around babies so I was picturing a crying, whining bag of pee and poo who would wake me up at the crack of dawn. In reality she has this awesome, happy, playful personality and I fell even more in love with her. The first day C was there, I had her on my lap reading a book with her and he said, "You'd make a great mommy. I want to give you a baby." Holy shit, my stomach flipped like it was our first kiss. I almost cried, I'm telling you. We've since re-visited the topic (for the umpteenth time) and while I'm still really ambiguous about whether I do or don't want a baby, I feel much more confident and comfortable that C and I will make the right decision for both of us and that we can both be happy and satisfied with our choice.

So, speaking of babies, check this out . I have written here before about my "now I've seen it all" T stories but this one takes the cake. I'm very glad I missed this but part of me sort of wishes I was there. It's like the car accident thing. You can't stand to see it but you just can't look away. Anyway, yikes, this woman is a mess, huh?

One more change of subject and then I'm done. I have immersed myself in the wonderful world of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," watching two episodes this week. This show is incredible. (And I'll have to tell you another time about "Boy Meets Boy" which is also very cool, I think). Ironically, I was introduced to this show by a gay friend who brought appetizers to a gathering the other night, which he'd learned how to make by watching that show. They were fabulous! Anyway, I got a bit misty at this week's episode as the guy was preparing his apartment and himself for proposing to his girlfriend (a topic near and dear to my heart these days). His proposal was so touching and romantic, I swooned! The best part was watching the Fab Five watching the whole thing unfold on their secret TV. They were as psyched and nervous as the straight guy was! I highly recommend checking this show out, if not for the drama then at least for the recipes!

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