2003-07-18 - 1:28 p.m.

Tomorrow I am off on my second one-week vacation on the Cape in a month. That would be just great if, say, I got more than two weeks vacation. Still, this is New England, so summer is the right time for vacation (especially for those of us who don't ski and hate the cold weather). Yeah, I'm even going to the exact same town as a few weeks ago. This time, we're staying in a house instead of a motel. It'll also be different in that it's only my immediate family going. At first I was really psyched to spend a whole week with my soon-to-be-a-year-old niece, who I don't get to see very often. But, after talking to my brother the other night (as he packed my SUV's trunk to the hilt with baby stuff) I realized that she wakes up between 5:30 and 7:00 a.m. so the psyched is not so much anymore. Blech. That's mean and selfish isn't it? Oh well, that's me!

Wow, I'm really sounding like I don't want a vacation after all. I'm just cranky. I have this weird stiff neck/shoulder/back thing happening and also work is sucking the life out of me. I'm almost to the point that I don't want to come in here each morning. That's a bad sign. The thing is, I'm ready for a promotion, or at least a job change, and have applied for several jobs internally in the past few months. I have either made it all the way through the interview process only to lose out to someone else or not even gotten an interview at all. I'm really starting to hate this place and its stupid fucking system. Aaargh!

C had a rough day at work yesterday, himself, so I can't really complain to him. It seems that his job change wasn't all it was cracked up to be...or at least that's how he felt last night. I feel bad for him and I wish there were something I could do to help him feel better. I told him last night, perhaps foolishly, that I have never trusted his boss, the owner of this company. I've never met the guy so it's just based on a gut instinct and things C tells me, but like I told him last night, "if it seems too good to be true, it probably is." Maybe I'm too cynical and jaded, and I don't think that made him feel better. Yay me.

I'll end by recounting a bright spot in my week. On Wednesday, when I got back from the gym, I received a call from our mailroom telling me that there were roses up there for me. "Roses?" I thought, "but C just gave me a dozen roses on Saturday!" Well, I went to get them (since September 11th, we can no longer have our flowers and packages delivered directly, they must go through the company mail room) and let me tell you, I have never, ever in my life seen anything so beautiful. These roses are the hugest I've ever seen and each one is more perfect than the next. They're truly breathtaking. Why did he send me roses? To congratulate me on my new car and to wish me a happy 9-month anniversary, which is Sunday. Wow. This guy....he leaves me speechless. Never in my life have I felt so cherished or been so pampered. He makes me feel so unbelievably incredible, I simply feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I really do.

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