2003-04-02 - 9:15 a.m.

You know, I never really give away a lot of the details of my life in my diary, I mean the ones that if someone who knew me somehow stumbled across my diary they'd know immediately that it was me. I'm not sure why, call me paranoid. I guess I just want to feel comfortable expressing some of my innermost feelings without people who know me in real life finding out. I know most diarylanders are not like that, but what can I say? I'm being me.

Anyway, that being said, I just have to share a recent bit of horror concerning my job. It's really concerning my company and doesn't affect my job...except for making me want to quit on principle. It was just announced that that skankbag Christina Aguilera will be wearing a couture design which was inspired by one of our products tomorrow in LA. She is, apparently, revealing her inner Goddess. Gack!

Christina Aguilera aside, how does a razor inspire a fashion designer? I just don't get it. Maybe I'm just not artsy enough. What's next? I'm already pretty disappointed about some recent ad copy I saw for a new antiperspirant we're coming out with that has some kind of beads in it. The ad says something like, "Finally, an antiperspirant with balls." Hmmm, I guess the Big G is finally sinking down into the depths. Maybe I'm a prude. Sex sells after all and if we sell more product, that can only mean good things for us employees, right? Still, the balls thing doesn't say "sex" so much to me as it says "tasteless."

Okay, enough of that. Yesterday I went to the gym with my work-friend T. She's the one I went to that Cardio Kickboxing class with last Tuesday. I should stay away from her on Tuesdays. We did chest and back stuff yesterday. It was all free weights and I felt stupid because I didn't know the routine, didn't know if I was doing the stuff right, didn't have the right form. I'm sore today, but not as sore as I was every day last week! We did ab stuff on stability balls. That was cool and I feel it today so I know it worked. I'll do that again on my own.

In addition to being sore every time I work out with T, I also feel really, really fat, ugly and out of shape. This woman is as solid as a rock. I try not to look at her body, but I can't help it. I compare...and then feel really bad about myself. I just look much better in clothes. It's a fact. When I whined to C about this last night, he said something like "I don't care about T, I don't care what her body looks like. I love you and think you're sexy and beautiful" or something so totally nice like that. This guy! Awwww.

Yeah, so I'll go back to the gym this afternoon, like I always do, even when I'm sore. I'm not doing anything but cardio and maybe that stability ball thing. I have no delusions of grandeur that I'm going to turn my body into a model's, or even T's, but I do feel better about myself that I'm actually working out again. It's only been about 4 weeks, I can't expect results overnight. I just hope I can really stick with it and maybe have some more muscle definition (AKA less jiggle). I'll be at the beach before I know it (even though it f'ing snowed last night)!

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